This is in regards to my recent tirade against Jose Reyes. You are not nearly as overpaid as other players in New York. Nor are you, Carlos Beltran, possesor of a contract you did nothing to deserve.
A-Rod, even though you grounded into a rally-killing double play a mere two innings ago, in which somehow, the bases were loaded and you managed to leave the Yanks with two outs and runners on FIRST AND SECOND (HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN??), no, even you are not the most overpaid player in New York, because you are a gangsta when you need to be.
No, LaTroy Hawkins, you are tonights, "Worst Player in the World," and Girardi, you win, "Worst Decision of the Year," for bringing this guy in. We needed a win, not a goat. LaTroy, I am going to get you your own personal tin can and watch you chew it ad infinitum.
Bringing in LaTroy Hawkins is akin to saying, "I really don't care about this game," because I don't think this guy has factored into a decision since signing his 3.75 million a year deal with New York. Girardi, what were you thinking? Your team was just on a five game tear and then lost one they should have been able to hold onto. After managing to keep a game at 8-8, and battling back after a rain delay and A-Rod's lack of clutch productivity to go up 9-8, you bring in LaTroy Hawkins? Please, bring in Stephen Hawking instead, and yes I know it was an obvious reference but I'm not about subtlty right now. I don't care if Joba is going to be a starter, we need W's now, and your team needs it's swagger. How many extra inning wins do we have? 0. How many come from behind victories do we have after 7 innings? 1. What could tonight have done? Please, Joe, I don't need to spell it out for you, the writing is on your chiseled abs, and it's even upside down for your convenience.
Hawkins came into this game with a 6.00 ERA, only slightly worse than Ian Kennedy. A lead-off single, an out, a double that scores the run, intentionally loading the bases, and then leaving some fat pitch to some fat kid who still has his Cubbies picture up on ESPN instead of his Baltimore digs. I am incensed and outraged right now, and I don't know who to blame. We went from winning five in a row to losing two in a row, to the Orioles. Think about that, a team that many predicted to come in sixth in a field of five teams in the East. You think about that Joe, you think about what you've done.
And as for you, LaTroy, you aren't even worth my creative efforts. I will say it plain and simple, "You suck. You are a bum. Get out of town." I would have entrusted the game to Shelly Duncan sooner than this clown.
-Jobimoto out.
I am literally too disgusted write a good closing quip in here.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Getcha' Popcorn...
The unthinkable is happening. Barry Zito is winning a game, up 8-1 in the 8th, and barring an act of God, he will get his first win. Maybe he isn't the '08 version of Carl Pavano, but hey, a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while, just like I said before.
Apparently my likening of Jose Reyes to Rey Ordenez was NOT popular. I understand that, and I was overly harsh. I still think he's overrated though, and I think in five years you'll all be buying me a beer over this one. David Wright, further proving he is a class act, said that the onus is on the players, not Randolph. Good for him, nothing but class. Give that guy an extra 5 mil, would ya?
Have you seen the poor excuse for a mustache that Jason Giambi is growing? He looks like a gay 1980's porn star, but he's killing the ball, so I'll allow it. The yanks are running up the score on the hapless Mariners right now, and I couldn't be happier. I came home on a Friday night after a shitty day at work, bought three beers, and came home to find that the game was on one of the few cable channels I get. The Yanks are up 13-2 and I'm just basking at this point.
Joba will be back in the bullpen by the end of the year. Mark this on your calendar. Not so much for his failures as a starter, but more for their need of a money setup man. The logic still doesn't work for me. One start in five days or three appearances in five days...granted, you have to believe the yanks will get to him 60% of the time, but they should. It's true that if they're ever going to convert him, they have to start sometime, and if they don't start this year, he won't be ready until 2010, which seems a long way off, but he'll be 25 - wrap your head around that for a moment. I also predict the yanks will pick up a pitcher in a mid-year fire sale from someone in the NL.
Does anyone look more lost in the outfield than Matsui? He always impressed me in the outfield as getting great jumps and making himself look faster than he is. I've seen him misplay 3 balls in 6 innings tonight, and if the Yankees weren't leading, I'd be screaming. They gave Vidro (the batter) a double for that, and it was an error - both the player and the batter make out in that case.
Bill Simmons may not be the best sportswriter ever, but he is closing in on it, especially with his incorporation of pop-culture references into his writing. If you don't read him on a daily basis, you should.
When are the Yankees going to retire 51, 21, and 24? 24 I could honestly wait on, but for the Yankees to not retire the numbers of Bernie Williams and Paul O'Neill is madening. Williams holds numerous records as a Yankee and O'Neill played for two teams his whole career, with his best years all coming in New York. He won a ring with the Reds, then went on to win four more with the Yanks. You can't retire his number for that? Jeez. Come on guys.
Matsui just nailed a guy trying to tag up on a pop fly. He threw a dart, barely beat him, but he just made up for that misplay, preserving the 11 run lead.
I cannot take Giambi seriously with that mustache...but I like anything that doesn't have him on the interstate. They just read the Yankees rules, "No hair below the lip, and no hair below the collar."
I miss Beer Pong. Anyone who wants to challenge me can get schooled.
-Jobimoto out.
"I want to announce my presence with authority!"
Apparently my likening of Jose Reyes to Rey Ordenez was NOT popular. I understand that, and I was overly harsh. I still think he's overrated though, and I think in five years you'll all be buying me a beer over this one. David Wright, further proving he is a class act, said that the onus is on the players, not Randolph. Good for him, nothing but class. Give that guy an extra 5 mil, would ya?
Have you seen the poor excuse for a mustache that Jason Giambi is growing? He looks like a gay 1980's porn star, but he's killing the ball, so I'll allow it. The yanks are running up the score on the hapless Mariners right now, and I couldn't be happier. I came home on a Friday night after a shitty day at work, bought three beers, and came home to find that the game was on one of the few cable channels I get. The Yanks are up 13-2 and I'm just basking at this point.
Joba will be back in the bullpen by the end of the year. Mark this on your calendar. Not so much for his failures as a starter, but more for their need of a money setup man. The logic still doesn't work for me. One start in five days or three appearances in five days...granted, you have to believe the yanks will get to him 60% of the time, but they should. It's true that if they're ever going to convert him, they have to start sometime, and if they don't start this year, he won't be ready until 2010, which seems a long way off, but he'll be 25 - wrap your head around that for a moment. I also predict the yanks will pick up a pitcher in a mid-year fire sale from someone in the NL.
Does anyone look more lost in the outfield than Matsui? He always impressed me in the outfield as getting great jumps and making himself look faster than he is. I've seen him misplay 3 balls in 6 innings tonight, and if the Yankees weren't leading, I'd be screaming. They gave Vidro (the batter) a double for that, and it was an error - both the player and the batter make out in that case.
Bill Simmons may not be the best sportswriter ever, but he is closing in on it, especially with his incorporation of pop-culture references into his writing. If you don't read him on a daily basis, you should.
When are the Yankees going to retire 51, 21, and 24? 24 I could honestly wait on, but for the Yankees to not retire the numbers of Bernie Williams and Paul O'Neill is madening. Williams holds numerous records as a Yankee and O'Neill played for two teams his whole career, with his best years all coming in New York. He won a ring with the Reds, then went on to win four more with the Yanks. You can't retire his number for that? Jeez. Come on guys.
Matsui just nailed a guy trying to tag up on a pop fly. He threw a dart, barely beat him, but he just made up for that misplay, preserving the 11 run lead.
I cannot take Giambi seriously with that mustache...but I like anything that doesn't have him on the interstate. They just read the Yankees rules, "No hair below the lip, and no hair below the collar."
I miss Beer Pong. Anyone who wants to challenge me can get schooled.
-Jobimoto out.
"I want to announce my presence with authority!"
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The Cost of Losing
Willie Randolph is on the hot seat in New York because the Mets stink...and for some reason that is coming as a shock to everyone but me. Everyone else I know predicted the Mets to win the NL East; I had them coming in at third behind Atlanta and Philly...we'll see if that holds, I may have them at fourth now, but I digress.
It is frustrating, to say the least, to hear everyone bitch about Randolph because of the 138 million dollar payroll he gets to work with. With that much money thrown around, he should have winner, right? He wasn't the guy that shelled out that bank though, and if you crunch the numbers, some things get startling...
No Brainer section:
Pedro Martinez - 11.8 Mil and on the DL - not a shock considering this guy has always had health problems and is in his late 30's. Counting on him to back Santana the whole year was a pipe dream.
Orlando Hernandez - 7 mil, and on the DL. This is on the idiot who signed him. ESPN has him listed at 41, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was 32 when he played his first MLB season. He claimed he was 28, but most people assume he was 35, possible even 38 when he broke into the majors. That puts him anywhere between 44 and 47. Hang 'em up dude.
Carlos Delgado: 16 mil. Why the mets did not try to move him is because of his Amazin' contract. They were out of their minds paying a guy this much who clearly was not going to be as productive anymore in his career.
Moises Alou - 7.5 million and older than Dirt.
Total - 42.3 million on guys they should not be paying. Bringing them down to about 96.
Paying for Mediocrity division:
Oliver Perez - 6.5. Maybe a stud, but hasn't proven it
Schneider - 4.9. Who?
Castillo - 6.25. Decent, but worth 6.25? No.
Jose Reyes - 4.375. I can not begin to tell you how much they overpaid this kid. He could be the most explosive player ever, and he is hell on the basepaths, but he is a kid and should be treated as such before he gets big money. I have two words for you: Rey Ordonez.
Carlos Beltran - 18.6. The single most overrated player in baseball and the best case of a player who reaped the benefit of ONE great season on a contract year. Is he a five tool player? Yes. Are any one of those tools so high that they make him a superstar? No, just a really good player. Really good players don't deserve 18.6.
Total - 41.625. These guys all deserve half of what they're earning, so let's call it 20.8 million that should be paid and the payroll is down around75.2
Should be paid more:
David Wright. Period. If anyone should be making double figures on this club, it's him. Give him an extra 5 mil a year and that brings the adjusted payroll up to 80.2. Which is much more agreeable to me, because frankly, on baseball economics as they stand, the mets are playing like an 80 million a year team, and we can't fault Willie for that.
More to come, but for the meantime...
-Jobimoto out.
"Christ, you don't need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt! What you need is a curveball!"
It is frustrating, to say the least, to hear everyone bitch about Randolph because of the 138 million dollar payroll he gets to work with. With that much money thrown around, he should have winner, right? He wasn't the guy that shelled out that bank though, and if you crunch the numbers, some things get startling...
No Brainer section:
Pedro Martinez - 11.8 Mil and on the DL - not a shock considering this guy has always had health problems and is in his late 30's. Counting on him to back Santana the whole year was a pipe dream.
Orlando Hernandez - 7 mil, and on the DL. This is on the idiot who signed him. ESPN has him listed at 41, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was 32 when he played his first MLB season. He claimed he was 28, but most people assume he was 35, possible even 38 when he broke into the majors. That puts him anywhere between 44 and 47. Hang 'em up dude.
Carlos Delgado: 16 mil. Why the mets did not try to move him is because of his Amazin' contract. They were out of their minds paying a guy this much who clearly was not going to be as productive anymore in his career.
Moises Alou - 7.5 million and older than Dirt.
Total - 42.3 million on guys they should not be paying. Bringing them down to about 96.
Paying for Mediocrity division:
Oliver Perez - 6.5. Maybe a stud, but hasn't proven it
Schneider - 4.9. Who?
Castillo - 6.25. Decent, but worth 6.25? No.
Jose Reyes - 4.375. I can not begin to tell you how much they overpaid this kid. He could be the most explosive player ever, and he is hell on the basepaths, but he is a kid and should be treated as such before he gets big money. I have two words for you: Rey Ordonez.
Carlos Beltran - 18.6. The single most overrated player in baseball and the best case of a player who reaped the benefit of ONE great season on a contract year. Is he a five tool player? Yes. Are any one of those tools so high that they make him a superstar? No, just a really good player. Really good players don't deserve 18.6.
Total - 41.625. These guys all deserve half of what they're earning, so let's call it 20.8 million that should be paid and the payroll is down around75.2
Should be paid more:
David Wright. Period. If anyone should be making double figures on this club, it's him. Give him an extra 5 mil a year and that brings the adjusted payroll up to 80.2. Which is much more agreeable to me, because frankly, on baseball economics as they stand, the mets are playing like an 80 million a year team, and we can't fault Willie for that.
More to come, but for the meantime...
-Jobimoto out.
"Christ, you don't need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt! What you need is a curveball!"
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Do What Now?
The Penny-Arcade game got released today, and I was anxiously following the mini-comic they did building up to the game's release. Gabe is clearly more pumped about it than Tycho, and to be honest I think I would both love and hate hanging out with them together or even one on one, but right now I don't care about anything except two numbers.
0-8.
Do you know what that is?
Blogi, you may want to quit reading if you don't already know what this is, I feel bad harping on this...but not too bad because my team is arguably worse right now.
That's Barry Zito's record. In 9 starts. So the luckiest he's been, all year, has been to manage a no-decision. I try not to think about this for more than a minute at a time, because my head starts to spontaneously shake, so I'll try to focus some thoughts where I can.
- This guy went 23-5 with a 2.73 in Oakland in 2002. I don't care about Steroids or the Colliseum being cavernous, in the AL, that's amazing. Those are Pedro numbers, who, even if he retires this year, should be a first ballot lock with only 209 wins.
- Every year for this guy has subsequently been downhill.
- Will he ever, EVER snap out of this?
Statistically, yes, he will win a game. It is impossible to not win a game all year. I think statistically if you let anyone pitch a game over 162 games, hell, over the 33 or so starts most guys get, you will get ONE fucking win. But his season is already about a quarter doneski, and he is posting a goose egg with a 6.25 ERA. In case you're keeping track at home, that's about 2 million and change per run in that statistic.
What happened? The only thing I can think of that was this dramatic was Chuck Knoblauch inexplicably throwing the ball 10 feet in front of him one day and being out of baseball a little over a year later. I really need to digest this, because I knew things were bad, but I didn't know they were this bad. I need to think this over. That and my really hot girlfriend is home, so I'm out.
-Jobimoto...out. I just said that.
"Zito and 8."
0-8.
Do you know what that is?
Blogi, you may want to quit reading if you don't already know what this is, I feel bad harping on this...but not too bad because my team is arguably worse right now.
That's Barry Zito's record. In 9 starts. So the luckiest he's been, all year, has been to manage a no-decision. I try not to think about this for more than a minute at a time, because my head starts to spontaneously shake, so I'll try to focus some thoughts where I can.
- This guy went 23-5 with a 2.73 in Oakland in 2002. I don't care about Steroids or the Colliseum being cavernous, in the AL, that's amazing. Those are Pedro numbers, who, even if he retires this year, should be a first ballot lock with only 209 wins.
- Every year for this guy has subsequently been downhill.
- Will he ever, EVER snap out of this?
Statistically, yes, he will win a game. It is impossible to not win a game all year. I think statistically if you let anyone pitch a game over 162 games, hell, over the 33 or so starts most guys get, you will get ONE fucking win. But his season is already about a quarter doneski, and he is posting a goose egg with a 6.25 ERA. In case you're keeping track at home, that's about 2 million and change per run in that statistic.
What happened? The only thing I can think of that was this dramatic was Chuck Knoblauch inexplicably throwing the ball 10 feet in front of him one day and being out of baseball a little over a year later. I really need to digest this, because I knew things were bad, but I didn't know they were this bad. I need to think this over. That and my really hot girlfriend is home, so I'm out.
-Jobimoto...out. I just said that.
"Zito and 8."
Monday, May 19, 2008
Thank God for small miracles...
The Yankees have tonight off. Good for them and good for their fans. 11-2...how they managed to score 2 is anyone's guess. This is pure unwatchable. Why do they insist on doing this every year until about mid June?
-Jobimoto out
"Lemme throw the heat! I wanna throw heat!"
-Jobimoto out
"Lemme throw the heat! I wanna throw heat!"
Sunday, May 18, 2008
You Can't Handle the Truth...
It's true. Paul "The Truth" Pierce could not be handled. He carved the Cavs to pieces, and he was the difference maker between Going Big or Going Home. LeBron was more prominant, but Pierce was more dominant.
-Jobimoto out.
"The King is dead. Long live the King!"
-Jobimoto out.
"The King is dead. Long live the King!"
Why I'm glad I'm not a Celtics fan...
Real quick -
The Celtics must be driving their fans nuts this year. Dominated the league all season, answered their critics who said they were winning because they were playing in the Easy East by riding through the Wild West and making just about everyone their prison bitch, and then they take both of their playoff series to game 7 to make everyone chew their nails down to the quick. Logic states that eventually, this much time on the court is going to catch up to them. Detroit is waiting comfortably in the wings, and they are licking their chops, but I have a feeling we'll see what we've seen through the whole playoffs - the Celtics can only win at home, will make Doc Rivers turn new shades of purple, and ultimately cause 326 heart attacks across New England.
I am glad I don't have to put up with this. Instead I'm on whatever NBA bandwagon I feel like jumping on, watching the Penguins because Sid the Kid is ridiculous and they turned the Rangers into whimpering children (where was my team's fight??), riding the high of the Giants until the season begins again (18-1!!!!!), and watching each Yankees game with the inevitable feeling that this is going to be a long season. Even when we're mathematically elimanted, we'll still hold out some kind of hope.
Also, love the Gatorade commercials featuring KG who is not even the main impact player on the Cetlics right now.
And how are the Rays this good? May all their ridiculous contracts to the 15 year old kids on their team come back to bite them in the ass.
-Jobimoto out.
"That's a Quadruple-Double."
The Celtics must be driving their fans nuts this year. Dominated the league all season, answered their critics who said they were winning because they were playing in the Easy East by riding through the Wild West and making just about everyone their prison bitch, and then they take both of their playoff series to game 7 to make everyone chew their nails down to the quick. Logic states that eventually, this much time on the court is going to catch up to them. Detroit is waiting comfortably in the wings, and they are licking their chops, but I have a feeling we'll see what we've seen through the whole playoffs - the Celtics can only win at home, will make Doc Rivers turn new shades of purple, and ultimately cause 326 heart attacks across New England.
I am glad I don't have to put up with this. Instead I'm on whatever NBA bandwagon I feel like jumping on, watching the Penguins because Sid the Kid is ridiculous and they turned the Rangers into whimpering children (where was my team's fight??), riding the high of the Giants until the season begins again (18-1!!!!!), and watching each Yankees game with the inevitable feeling that this is going to be a long season. Even when we're mathematically elimanted, we'll still hold out some kind of hope.
Also, love the Gatorade commercials featuring KG who is not even the main impact player on the Cetlics right now.
And how are the Rays this good? May all their ridiculous contracts to the 15 year old kids on their team come back to bite them in the ass.
-Jobimoto out.
"That's a Quadruple-Double."
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Indiana Jones and the Franchise that Wouldn't Die
Welcome to Part 2 of our 2 part discussion on this summer's upcoming disaster - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This may sometimes turn into a rant about other movies that have or are pissing me off, but I'll try to keep it focused to this train wreck, nay, this implosion, that will be the fourth installment of Indiana Jones.
When last we left Indy, in The Last Crusade, everything seemed to be finished, right? That's what I thought. His name was explained, the day was won, the Holy Grail was found, the Nazis were defeated, everyone had a highball and called it a day. So why, nineteen years later, do we have the new final installment? Why was this idea pitched ten years ago, which would have still made it nine years after the Last (note the word Last, you can dictionary.com it if you'd like) Crusade? There were no laments, no cries going, "How can we go on without the full story??" as there were with Star Wars - the only thing about this movie is money, pure and simple. That and beating a long-dead, nay, humping its corpse at this point. Secretariat should be afraid.
But who really needed to do this? Spielburg? Please. Harrison Ford? No, and I won't even accept a mid-life crisis argument, he's past mid-life. So that leaves George "I am a gigantic fucking douchebag" Lucas. This guy has to be dumber than a retarded billy-goat bred in the back hills of Alabama, or he is so protected from the outside world and its opinions that he seemed to miss the past nine years of bitching about his mangling of the Star Wars Universe. Or it may be a case of intense denial, as I have heard him say that he still believes in the three films he made to explain Episodes IV - VI. And this is the same guy who came out and said that he doesn't believe this Indian Jones film is going to be that great.
Please digest that for a second.
Give it two.
Three would be too much, because blood might start dripping from your tear ducts as your brain goes into overload. The same guy who said Episodes I - III were good films is saying that this Indiana Jone movie (which he originally wanted to subtitle, "And the Saucermen from Mars," look it up on cnn.com) is not going to live up to expectations. It will go one of two ways - 1: he is no judge of what constitutes a good movie and this will actually turn out to be amazing 2: watching it will produce a similar effect on people as was witnessed in the closing scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
IMDB this guy, please and your head will spin. He came up with American Grafitti, Star Wars, and Indiana Jones. Then he spent his time doing projects about the Ewoks, Droids of Star Wars, Willow (can't say he came up with it, because it's a horrible Lord of the Rings knock off), and in all that time of making so much money he has it coming out of his ass, he found time to write Captain EO. Yes, you heard it here, that ride at Disney that was about Michael Jackson. He wrote that.
The guy came up with two of the greatest ideas for a franchise ever, but that does not make him God. He should not be allowed near a script, behind a camera, or anything. There should be 10 studio execs always sitting there going, "Ok, one thing you said made sense and is brilliant, let's run with it...and where the fuck did you come up with the name Jar-Jar? Do you have a stutter now? Has all your riches and wealth affected your speech?" Which is why I can't figure out why he made this movie to further tarnish his image.
Look, before I said it was about the bucks, but it can't be. This guy, in his heart of hearts, honestly believes he has great stories left to tell, but this isn't the case. He has poor parodies left of his stories, and the fanfiction writers are doing a much better job with the universe he created. He is not J.R.R. Tolkien, and the sooner he gets over this, the better.
Harrison Ford, you are now next in my line of fire. How much blood money did they give you to take this role? Every man has his price, and I think they found yours. And that's ok, I'd rather see you doing this than playing Han Solo's father Eps I - III, because I'm sure it was tossed around. But you do realize you are now older than Sean Connery was when he played your father in Last Crusade, right? By five years, just so we're clear on that. "Dad," was holding you up in that movie, too. So how are you kicking ass and taking names in this one? And as Blogi pointed out, Harrison Ford doesn't read old at first glance. He doesn't. But look at the poster for Last Crusade and then look at the poster for Crystal Skull and you will be aghast. I guarantee it.
Ok, I think I'm done and I've covered my bases. Watched Across the Universe tonight and I was so horrified by it. Blogi loved this movie, but I'm sorry, it played like one long music video and a bunch of puns on Beatles' songs, "aren't we clever?" No, you're not. Lines like, "She came in through the bathroom window," are not cute, funny, or deep when literal, and leave nothing to the imagination - even Helen Keller could have seen that line coming as soon as the physical action was played out on screen. Also, a mantra all musicians should repeat, "If I am not going to do something interesting with a Beatles song, I shouldn't cover it." Every time you pick up a guitar or warm up your vocal chords, remember this, because they are the Beatles, and you are not. Unless you're McCartney or Ringo, because technically, you were. However, this movie went to great lengths to pay homage to the Beatles in certain scenes and did a lot of interesting visual work. But that doesn't get it off the hook though. In the range of movies, I still say it's better than Attack of the Clones (horrible name), but not as good as Revenge of the Sith.
Which brings me to my final nerdy point(s). Lucas has no ability to make a title. In an interview once he said he wanted to title Return of the Jedi - Revenge of the Jedi...but Jedi don't seek revenge, so it was return. So was he honestly waiting 22 years to use "Revenge" in a title? He could have waited another three and made, "Indiana Jones' Revenge." Also, now that it's three years later, can we all admit that Ep III was horrible? It was bad, but at the time everyone was like, "It was good!" No, we were idiots, it was better than Episodes I and II, hell, Chewbacca grooming himself would have been better than those movies. Three years later, we can look at that movie and put it on par with Matrix Reloaded. Both of which opened with long drawn out dramatic scenes which looked to be parodies of their former glories. It was heartbreaking.
Oh, and IMDB says there's a live action Star Wars TV show that they're going to be premiering in '09. And you better believe I'd give my left nut, and all my pride, to be in it.
-Jobimoto out.
"Didn't we just leave this party?"
When last we left Indy, in The Last Crusade, everything seemed to be finished, right? That's what I thought. His name was explained, the day was won, the Holy Grail was found, the Nazis were defeated, everyone had a highball and called it a day. So why, nineteen years later, do we have the new final installment? Why was this idea pitched ten years ago, which would have still made it nine years after the Last (note the word Last, you can dictionary.com it if you'd like) Crusade? There were no laments, no cries going, "How can we go on without the full story??" as there were with Star Wars - the only thing about this movie is money, pure and simple. That and beating a long-dead, nay, humping its corpse at this point. Secretariat should be afraid.
But who really needed to do this? Spielburg? Please. Harrison Ford? No, and I won't even accept a mid-life crisis argument, he's past mid-life. So that leaves George "I am a gigantic fucking douchebag" Lucas. This guy has to be dumber than a retarded billy-goat bred in the back hills of Alabama, or he is so protected from the outside world and its opinions that he seemed to miss the past nine years of bitching about his mangling of the Star Wars Universe. Or it may be a case of intense denial, as I have heard him say that he still believes in the three films he made to explain Episodes IV - VI. And this is the same guy who came out and said that he doesn't believe this Indian Jones film is going to be that great.
Please digest that for a second.
Give it two.
Three would be too much, because blood might start dripping from your tear ducts as your brain goes into overload. The same guy who said Episodes I - III were good films is saying that this Indiana Jone movie (which he originally wanted to subtitle, "And the Saucermen from Mars," look it up on cnn.com) is not going to live up to expectations. It will go one of two ways - 1: he is no judge of what constitutes a good movie and this will actually turn out to be amazing 2: watching it will produce a similar effect on people as was witnessed in the closing scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
IMDB this guy, please and your head will spin. He came up with American Grafitti, Star Wars, and Indiana Jones. Then he spent his time doing projects about the Ewoks, Droids of Star Wars, Willow (can't say he came up with it, because it's a horrible Lord of the Rings knock off), and in all that time of making so much money he has it coming out of his ass, he found time to write Captain EO. Yes, you heard it here, that ride at Disney that was about Michael Jackson. He wrote that.
The guy came up with two of the greatest ideas for a franchise ever, but that does not make him God. He should not be allowed near a script, behind a camera, or anything. There should be 10 studio execs always sitting there going, "Ok, one thing you said made sense and is brilliant, let's run with it...and where the fuck did you come up with the name Jar-Jar? Do you have a stutter now? Has all your riches and wealth affected your speech?" Which is why I can't figure out why he made this movie to further tarnish his image.
Look, before I said it was about the bucks, but it can't be. This guy, in his heart of hearts, honestly believes he has great stories left to tell, but this isn't the case. He has poor parodies left of his stories, and the fanfiction writers are doing a much better job with the universe he created. He is not J.R.R. Tolkien, and the sooner he gets over this, the better.
Harrison Ford, you are now next in my line of fire. How much blood money did they give you to take this role? Every man has his price, and I think they found yours. And that's ok, I'd rather see you doing this than playing Han Solo's father Eps I - III, because I'm sure it was tossed around. But you do realize you are now older than Sean Connery was when he played your father in Last Crusade, right? By five years, just so we're clear on that. "Dad," was holding you up in that movie, too. So how are you kicking ass and taking names in this one? And as Blogi pointed out, Harrison Ford doesn't read old at first glance. He doesn't. But look at the poster for Last Crusade and then look at the poster for Crystal Skull and you will be aghast. I guarantee it.
Ok, I think I'm done and I've covered my bases. Watched Across the Universe tonight and I was so horrified by it. Blogi loved this movie, but I'm sorry, it played like one long music video and a bunch of puns on Beatles' songs, "aren't we clever?" No, you're not. Lines like, "She came in through the bathroom window," are not cute, funny, or deep when literal, and leave nothing to the imagination - even Helen Keller could have seen that line coming as soon as the physical action was played out on screen. Also, a mantra all musicians should repeat, "If I am not going to do something interesting with a Beatles song, I shouldn't cover it." Every time you pick up a guitar or warm up your vocal chords, remember this, because they are the Beatles, and you are not. Unless you're McCartney or Ringo, because technically, you were. However, this movie went to great lengths to pay homage to the Beatles in certain scenes and did a lot of interesting visual work. But that doesn't get it off the hook though. In the range of movies, I still say it's better than Attack of the Clones (horrible name), but not as good as Revenge of the Sith.
Which brings me to my final nerdy point(s). Lucas has no ability to make a title. In an interview once he said he wanted to title Return of the Jedi - Revenge of the Jedi...but Jedi don't seek revenge, so it was return. So was he honestly waiting 22 years to use "Revenge" in a title? He could have waited another three and made, "Indiana Jones' Revenge." Also, now that it's three years later, can we all admit that Ep III was horrible? It was bad, but at the time everyone was like, "It was good!" No, we were idiots, it was better than Episodes I and II, hell, Chewbacca grooming himself would have been better than those movies. Three years later, we can look at that movie and put it on par with Matrix Reloaded. Both of which opened with long drawn out dramatic scenes which looked to be parodies of their former glories. It was heartbreaking.
Oh, and IMDB says there's a live action Star Wars TV show that they're going to be premiering in '09. And you better believe I'd give my left nut, and all my pride, to be in it.
-Jobimoto out.
"Didn't we just leave this party?"
Disneyland
I would just like to point out for the record that Captain Eo was the best thing to ever inhabit the 3D theater in Disneyland. The subsequent 3D shitshows like Honey, I Fucked Up Again and Shit Flying at your Face made me fall asleep. Anyone who's gone to Disneyland and grew up on Captain Eo will tell you that. Was it a little creepy and weird? Hell yeah. That's half of what Disney used to be about. Now it's all about poorly-veiled Christian-morality-down-your-throat cocktail hour for 10 year olds.
It's also hilarious to think about how anti-homosexual Disney has become when you consider the end of Captain Eo is Michael Jackson defeating evil by singing a power ballad and shooting rainbow lasers out of his chest, which bleaches his skin tight costume immaculate white, and then he proceeds to dance with a bunch of aliens.
On a related note, California just became the second state in the country to legalize same-sex marriage.
It's about time.
B-Spot out
"That's going to stain...."
It's also hilarious to think about how anti-homosexual Disney has become when you consider the end of Captain Eo is Michael Jackson defeating evil by singing a power ballad and shooting rainbow lasers out of his chest, which bleaches his skin tight costume immaculate white, and then he proceeds to dance with a bunch of aliens.
On a related note, California just became the second state in the country to legalize same-sex marriage.
It's about time.
B-Spot out
"That's going to stain...."
Friday, May 16, 2008
Independence Day Jones
I'm going to stop apologizing for my sporadic posts as of late. Why? Cuz I'm busy and I aint gettin paid for this. So bite me.
That being said, Jobi and I have decided to post some thoughts on the upcoming debut of the new Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
My personal feelings are mixed. Anticipation is moderate, but more or less ambivalent. Positive: George Lucas IS NOT directing it. I just can't believe he felt like he could do it after Episode 1 and its fan-base uproar at his brilliant attempt at comic relief in the form of Jar Jar Binks. If that is his idea of good movie-making, he needs to stick to cartoons. Following that irritation, he went on to single-handedly RUIN the next two installments of what otherwise was a cornerstone in filmaking and storytelling. He should never be allowed near a manuscript of any kind, much less be behind the lens of any sort of camera more complex than the Disneyland disposable variety.
So thank god he relinquished command to someone of intelligence. Although, I have to say I'm not quite ready to rip my shirt off, grab a roman candle, and run berserk through the streets in excitement over Stephen Spielberg these days. Don't get me wrong, I idolized the guy growing up, and his expertise and finesse as a consistently good storyteller is second to none, and I thought Munich was one of the most relevant and poignant pieces in recent history. But I really wonder what's going on with this Indy 4 project. What has Spielberg done recently film-wise? He's been busy running around, protesting China and working with EA to create Boom Blox. I feel bad for doubting the Godfather of American filmmaking, but I'm finding myself crossing my fingers more often than engaging my adrenal glands.
I think it's a sign of possible shakiness when in an article I read on CNN, George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, and Harrison Ford all agreed that Lucas originally had some crazyass crackpot idea possibly involving aliens and Area 51.
WHAT?
The article went on to say that Spielberg and Ford managed to succeed in helping Lucas realize he isn't 12 and to take things a little seriously. But it also noted that compromises were being made. So maybe at the end of a grand adventure worthy of the Indy series, he'll suddenly be abducted by aliens at the last minute and it will snap to credits. Or hopefully it will just come down to the compromise being that at the very end of the credits a line will read "No aliens were harmed in the making of this film." and then at the VERY end, in the tiniest print possible it will read "Fuck you, George, and grow up".
As for the casting, I didn't realize that Karen Allen is back until I saw the most recent trailer. My reaction: Awesome. Good Choice. Let's just see is she'll be utilized properly or if Stephen Spielberg doesn't go off and marry her. Shia La Beouf? The verdict is still out on this kid for me. I'm waiting to see whether or not he has actual acting chops or if he's really just the arrogant, wise-cracking, fast-talking adolescent he's always cast as. I hated him until I saw Transformers (Michael Bay should be shot in the face, by the way). He was pretty entertaining, though him as leading material is still a bit hard to take. This is why he may actually make something of himself in Indy 4. Him as a sidekick is a much more appealing option until his balls drop and he figures out how to annunciate better. Cate Blanchett? Well, there's nothing to complain about there. She rocks.
I've got to get back to work, so I'll leave this as Part 1 and pass it off to Jobi.
B-Spot Out!
"Dumb as a sack of drunk hammers."
That being said, Jobi and I have decided to post some thoughts on the upcoming debut of the new Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
My personal feelings are mixed. Anticipation is moderate, but more or less ambivalent. Positive: George Lucas IS NOT directing it. I just can't believe he felt like he could do it after Episode 1 and its fan-base uproar at his brilliant attempt at comic relief in the form of Jar Jar Binks. If that is his idea of good movie-making, he needs to stick to cartoons. Following that irritation, he went on to single-handedly RUIN the next two installments of what otherwise was a cornerstone in filmaking and storytelling. He should never be allowed near a manuscript of any kind, much less be behind the lens of any sort of camera more complex than the Disneyland disposable variety.
So thank god he relinquished command to someone of intelligence. Although, I have to say I'm not quite ready to rip my shirt off, grab a roman candle, and run berserk through the streets in excitement over Stephen Spielberg these days. Don't get me wrong, I idolized the guy growing up, and his expertise and finesse as a consistently good storyteller is second to none, and I thought Munich was one of the most relevant and poignant pieces in recent history. But I really wonder what's going on with this Indy 4 project. What has Spielberg done recently film-wise? He's been busy running around, protesting China and working with EA to create Boom Blox. I feel bad for doubting the Godfather of American filmmaking, but I'm finding myself crossing my fingers more often than engaging my adrenal glands.
I think it's a sign of possible shakiness when in an article I read on CNN, George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, and Harrison Ford all agreed that Lucas originally had some crazyass crackpot idea possibly involving aliens and Area 51.
WHAT?
The article went on to say that Spielberg and Ford managed to succeed in helping Lucas realize he isn't 12 and to take things a little seriously. But it also noted that compromises were being made. So maybe at the end of a grand adventure worthy of the Indy series, he'll suddenly be abducted by aliens at the last minute and it will snap to credits. Or hopefully it will just come down to the compromise being that at the very end of the credits a line will read "No aliens were harmed in the making of this film." and then at the VERY end, in the tiniest print possible it will read "Fuck you, George, and grow up".
As for the casting, I didn't realize that Karen Allen is back until I saw the most recent trailer. My reaction: Awesome. Good Choice. Let's just see is she'll be utilized properly or if Stephen Spielberg doesn't go off and marry her. Shia La Beouf? The verdict is still out on this kid for me. I'm waiting to see whether or not he has actual acting chops or if he's really just the arrogant, wise-cracking, fast-talking adolescent he's always cast as. I hated him until I saw Transformers (Michael Bay should be shot in the face, by the way). He was pretty entertaining, though him as leading material is still a bit hard to take. This is why he may actually make something of himself in Indy 4. Him as a sidekick is a much more appealing option until his balls drop and he figures out how to annunciate better. Cate Blanchett? Well, there's nothing to complain about there. She rocks.
I've got to get back to work, so I'll leave this as Part 1 and pass it off to Jobi.
B-Spot Out!
"Dumb as a sack of drunk hammers."
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
On the nature of hipping and hopping.
This started in my open letter to Mr. Cent, and will be continued here today.
Hip-Hop SUCKS right now, and yes, I just capitalized like a d-bag to emphasize my point. The problem is that everything sucks, and who are these clowns in the game right now? Soldja-boy? Bow-Wow? Kill me, f'real. These guys are horrible. To quote Talib Kweli, there's mad talented cats underground, but you gotta dig deeper and deeper these days to find them. Common and Kweli both dropped great albums these past couple years, but as far as major releases, it has been horrid. Hip-Hop is dead was great but fell out of the public consciousness as soon as it came up.
And can we just all collectively admit 2 things? 1) Jay-z's latest album sucked 2) Kanye's latest album sucked just as bad. Everyone felt really bad that Kingdom Come sucked, and it did, so they were like, "oh wow, American Gangster is GREAT! He's back!" No. You are all idiots who want to get back on the train. Both albums had 2 good songs. He should take the combined total of four good songs and release an EP called, "Sorry, and let me save you about 20 bucks." And as far as Kanye goes, Graduation was lame...LAME!!! Capitalized and with multiple exclamation points for douchey emphasis! Ever since Rolling Stone gave The College Dropout a mere three and a half stars, they have felt the need to rim his ass from the moment the review dropped. They messed up, and Late Registration may have been stylistically a better album than College Dropout, but save four or five tracks, Graduation is a waste of time and energy for both the artist and his fanbase.
All of my faith is currently placed in Lupe Fiasco, who, to quote my buddy Norton, is "Fresher than the lettuce at Wegman's." It's true, he's smart, almost too smart, and I wonder if that will be his downfall. He's not gangsta, he's barely street, but he's real, and I hope people respect that. 50 cent, G-Unit, sooooooo many rappers are just horrible right now. 50 Cent should have quit when he started his beef with Kanye - seriously 50, who are you that you're trying to start beef with anyone at this point? We all know you left the hood for Connecticut, and I know you probably got a mansion full of guns, and that's your reality now, but it's boring.
Although for all the shit I am talking right now, I must remember this - when Biggie and Tupac first made waves in the mid-90's, I thought their music was crap. I didn't understand why everyone flipped over Illmatic. Jay-z...who's that? I used to ask. I thought rap was just lacking a "c" at the beginning, but 10 years later, really, what did I know? Nothing, as I maintain that Illmatic is not just one of the greatest rap albums, but one of the single greatest albums period...so in 10 years will I be like, "Oh shit, remember that classic Chamillionaire album?" No, because in 10 years I'll still be saying, "God, can you believe Illmatic is 20 years old now? That's so awesome...but yeah, Chamillionaire, I'll take fries with that. Thanks."
-Jobimoto out.
"I got so many rhymes I don't think I'm too sane/life is parallel to hell but I must maintain "
Hip-Hop SUCKS right now, and yes, I just capitalized like a d-bag to emphasize my point. The problem is that everything sucks, and who are these clowns in the game right now? Soldja-boy? Bow-Wow? Kill me, f'real. These guys are horrible. To quote Talib Kweli, there's mad talented cats underground, but you gotta dig deeper and deeper these days to find them. Common and Kweli both dropped great albums these past couple years, but as far as major releases, it has been horrid. Hip-Hop is dead was great but fell out of the public consciousness as soon as it came up.
And can we just all collectively admit 2 things? 1) Jay-z's latest album sucked 2) Kanye's latest album sucked just as bad. Everyone felt really bad that Kingdom Come sucked, and it did, so they were like, "oh wow, American Gangster is GREAT! He's back!" No. You are all idiots who want to get back on the train. Both albums had 2 good songs. He should take the combined total of four good songs and release an EP called, "Sorry, and let me save you about 20 bucks." And as far as Kanye goes, Graduation was lame...LAME!!! Capitalized and with multiple exclamation points for douchey emphasis! Ever since Rolling Stone gave The College Dropout a mere three and a half stars, they have felt the need to rim his ass from the moment the review dropped. They messed up, and Late Registration may have been stylistically a better album than College Dropout, but save four or five tracks, Graduation is a waste of time and energy for both the artist and his fanbase.
All of my faith is currently placed in Lupe Fiasco, who, to quote my buddy Norton, is "Fresher than the lettuce at Wegman's." It's true, he's smart, almost too smart, and I wonder if that will be his downfall. He's not gangsta, he's barely street, but he's real, and I hope people respect that. 50 cent, G-Unit, sooooooo many rappers are just horrible right now. 50 Cent should have quit when he started his beef with Kanye - seriously 50, who are you that you're trying to start beef with anyone at this point? We all know you left the hood for Connecticut, and I know you probably got a mansion full of guns, and that's your reality now, but it's boring.
Although for all the shit I am talking right now, I must remember this - when Biggie and Tupac first made waves in the mid-90's, I thought their music was crap. I didn't understand why everyone flipped over Illmatic. Jay-z...who's that? I used to ask. I thought rap was just lacking a "c" at the beginning, but 10 years later, really, what did I know? Nothing, as I maintain that Illmatic is not just one of the greatest rap albums, but one of the single greatest albums period...so in 10 years will I be like, "Oh shit, remember that classic Chamillionaire album?" No, because in 10 years I'll still be saying, "God, can you believe Illmatic is 20 years old now? That's so awesome...but yeah, Chamillionaire, I'll take fries with that. Thanks."
-Jobimoto out.
"I got so many rhymes I don't think I'm too sane/life is parallel to hell but I must maintain "
Monday, May 5, 2008
Sticking to your guns
It's 1am on May 5th and I can't sleep. Not for any reason in particular, I just can't, but while I was up I figured I might as well comment on the state of things.
I went and I saw a show today called The Mai, it's an Irish play in the style of Friel's Dancing at Lughnasa - which is to say there's a narrator on stage looking back at their fucked up Irish family and sometimes being a part of the action and sometimes not. I liked it more than I thought I was going to, as I went into it thinking it would be a blatant rip-off, but the writing is strong (until the tail end of the play), and the acting was strong, as were the dialects. The direction did not serve the show at all, but beggars can't be choosers.
The Mai though, is really just a lead in to more of the world of sports. Of which I have three issues I need to cover, in three different leagues...ok, four in three, but whatever. Initially I did not want to go to the Mai because today was a BIG day in the world of sports, and to capitalize "big" like a douchebag really doesn't do the day justice. The Atlanta Hawks were trying to oust the heavily favored Boston Celtics, the New York Rangers were trying to avoid elimination from round 2 of the the NHL playoffs, the Yankees were going for their first sweep of the season, and Greg Maddux was going for his 350th win...holy F'ing shit. How do you pass up a day like that?
Easily, you have tickets for a show with your girlfriend and you have mutual friends in the show. I lamented the day, but I knew that in the long run, I could get the low down on these events, and the Mai would only be around for a couple days. And thank god I didn't waste my afternoon with my head in my hands lamenting my decision...let's go over why I made the right choice, shall we?
Only one thing went right - the Yanks swept the Mariners. We needed this, we needed this bad, especially on the back of a strong performance by Darrel Rasner, who was little more than a blip on most fans radars last year, though was posting a stud-like year at Triple-A Scranton-Wilkes-Barre...can any one city have more hyphens? Initially, I predicted the AL East to end as 1) New York 2) Boston 3) Toronto 4) Tampa 5) Baltimore. This was before the Yankees decided to have an injury party, before Toronto cut the only real bat in it's lineup, and before Tampa started looking like it could pitch. Then, last week, in a moment of weakness after Tampa was gaining ground and the Yankees had been devoured alive by the Tigers, I said to a buddy of mine, "You can have it in writing, 1) Boston 2) Tampa 3) New York 4) Toronto 5) Baltimore...as you predicted, Tampa is legit, and the real deal - they will not make the playoffs, but woe be the idiot who crosses them."
...You gotta stick to your guns. Will the Yankees make the playoffs this season? Probably not, is Tampa the real deal? Not quite. I even bought into the hype of Scott Kazmir coming back, but he got eaten alive by the Sox today, and for good reason...people are adjusted, he is not, it will take time, but he's not going to be mowing them down from the get and go. Are the Yanks a lost cause? No, they're proving, by beating the lowly Mariners, who I think I outlined to be year long punching bags in another post, they can win the games they need to win. They are not a star team right now, but to count them out completely is lunacy. They are the Yankees after all, and they have allowed me to stand on third base my whole life thinking I'd hit a triple. I will, I'm sure, over the course of the year, flip flop on this and offer anyone 4 to 1 odds on Tampa making the playoffs, and will readily accept even 3 to 1 on the Yanks making them, but this is why I'm not a professional gambler.
Which I am thankful for, because I would have lost my shirt on the Atlanta game this afternoon. Atlanta got beat soundly, as they should have, and in a great article on ESPN, it was pointed out that regardless of the outcome, it was still the most lopsided series in the NBA playoffs. The margin by which the Celtics outscored the Hawks was daunting, and the Celtics publicly humiliated the Hawks on Sunday, much as the Hawks had done to the Celtics on Friday night. I watched the game in bar and saw an Arena, nay, an entire city, uniting around a team in the NBA which I no longer thought possible. I have long posited that the decline of the NBA can be seen in the fan base, and watching old clips of Jordan you see goofy middle-aged white guys and people of all races, genders, and social classes jumping up and down in the stands as Jordan made some poor slob trip over his own feet and somehow get called for a foul. No longer do we see this phenomenon, though it was present Friday night in Atlanta. I thought riding that, the Hawks had some magic even playing in Beantown. Boy was I wrong. But there is a chink in the armor, and I am excited to see Cleveland vs. Boston - my money's on LeBron, which means Boston is probably the safe bet to win.
The Rangers also got beat pretty soundly today, and I was hoping they wouldn't, because I still hadn't really gotten to take in a Rangers game this season and I wanted one more chance to get one in, but alas, New York's other Big Blue will have to go home for another three months until the regular season starts up again. They're not getting any younger, and it will be interesting to see how things develop in the upcoming season (as if I really know). I could have told you the Penguins were going to skate away with this, I just wished there was a little more fight involved. This Crosby character is scarily good, and by the time he can legally drink I am afraid for anyone who will have to skate toe to toe with this kid. He will save the game the way Lindros was supposed to, only he will be the Jordan to Lindros' Penny Hardaway (back in the day buffet).
And finally, Greg Maddux, once again, got shut down in his bid for 350. God damn, it's a huge number, but why is 350 so much more fucking difficult than 348 or 349? Maddux is pulling a Clemens, running into a veritable brick wall trying to accumulate his 350th win. Granted, he isn't taking steroids or throwing his wife under a bus, and should therefore be doubly appluaded, but I'm starting to really feel for this guy. I'm hoping he draws the Nationals soon, who have no hope of ever contending that they might just give the guy the game the same way Mickey Mantle was gifted the homer that passed Jimmie Foxx on the all time list. But Greggers has a lot more life in him at 40+ than Mickey did in the twilight of his career.
Maddux will make his 350 and be a lock for the Hall, as if he wasn't already. Darrel Rasner will pitch again soon and have a shaky start but get backed up by some hitting. LeBron will make it an interesting series, while Crosby will gear up for the cup run that he was hired to provide. Clemens will be forever tainted by this foul year of Our Lord, 2008, and maybe, someday, they will re-evaluate Horse Racing where all the money and care that goes into breeding a great animal like Eight Belles, my pick to win this year, and results in a horrific euthanizing on the track. And maybe someday we'll come together as a society, and stop worrying about what a tragedy it is that horses have to get put down after a race, when we have thousands upon thousands of people living in our cities without a roof over their heads...goodnight, America. And good luck.
-Jobimoto out.
"When you speak of me, speak well."
I went and I saw a show today called The Mai, it's an Irish play in the style of Friel's Dancing at Lughnasa - which is to say there's a narrator on stage looking back at their fucked up Irish family and sometimes being a part of the action and sometimes not. I liked it more than I thought I was going to, as I went into it thinking it would be a blatant rip-off, but the writing is strong (until the tail end of the play), and the acting was strong, as were the dialects. The direction did not serve the show at all, but beggars can't be choosers.
The Mai though, is really just a lead in to more of the world of sports. Of which I have three issues I need to cover, in three different leagues...ok, four in three, but whatever. Initially I did not want to go to the Mai because today was a BIG day in the world of sports, and to capitalize "big" like a douchebag really doesn't do the day justice. The Atlanta Hawks were trying to oust the heavily favored Boston Celtics, the New York Rangers were trying to avoid elimination from round 2 of the the NHL playoffs, the Yankees were going for their first sweep of the season, and Greg Maddux was going for his 350th win...holy F'ing shit. How do you pass up a day like that?
Easily, you have tickets for a show with your girlfriend and you have mutual friends in the show. I lamented the day, but I knew that in the long run, I could get the low down on these events, and the Mai would only be around for a couple days. And thank god I didn't waste my afternoon with my head in my hands lamenting my decision...let's go over why I made the right choice, shall we?
Only one thing went right - the Yanks swept the Mariners. We needed this, we needed this bad, especially on the back of a strong performance by Darrel Rasner, who was little more than a blip on most fans radars last year, though was posting a stud-like year at Triple-A Scranton-Wilkes-Barre...can any one city have more hyphens? Initially, I predicted the AL East to end as 1) New York 2) Boston 3) Toronto 4) Tampa 5) Baltimore. This was before the Yankees decided to have an injury party, before Toronto cut the only real bat in it's lineup, and before Tampa started looking like it could pitch. Then, last week, in a moment of weakness after Tampa was gaining ground and the Yankees had been devoured alive by the Tigers, I said to a buddy of mine, "You can have it in writing, 1) Boston 2) Tampa 3) New York 4) Toronto 5) Baltimore...as you predicted, Tampa is legit, and the real deal - they will not make the playoffs, but woe be the idiot who crosses them."
...You gotta stick to your guns. Will the Yankees make the playoffs this season? Probably not, is Tampa the real deal? Not quite. I even bought into the hype of Scott Kazmir coming back, but he got eaten alive by the Sox today, and for good reason...people are adjusted, he is not, it will take time, but he's not going to be mowing them down from the get and go. Are the Yanks a lost cause? No, they're proving, by beating the lowly Mariners, who I think I outlined to be year long punching bags in another post, they can win the games they need to win. They are not a star team right now, but to count them out completely is lunacy. They are the Yankees after all, and they have allowed me to stand on third base my whole life thinking I'd hit a triple. I will, I'm sure, over the course of the year, flip flop on this and offer anyone 4 to 1 odds on Tampa making the playoffs, and will readily accept even 3 to 1 on the Yanks making them, but this is why I'm not a professional gambler.
Which I am thankful for, because I would have lost my shirt on the Atlanta game this afternoon. Atlanta got beat soundly, as they should have, and in a great article on ESPN, it was pointed out that regardless of the outcome, it was still the most lopsided series in the NBA playoffs. The margin by which the Celtics outscored the Hawks was daunting, and the Celtics publicly humiliated the Hawks on Sunday, much as the Hawks had done to the Celtics on Friday night. I watched the game in bar and saw an Arena, nay, an entire city, uniting around a team in the NBA which I no longer thought possible. I have long posited that the decline of the NBA can be seen in the fan base, and watching old clips of Jordan you see goofy middle-aged white guys and people of all races, genders, and social classes jumping up and down in the stands as Jordan made some poor slob trip over his own feet and somehow get called for a foul. No longer do we see this phenomenon, though it was present Friday night in Atlanta. I thought riding that, the Hawks had some magic even playing in Beantown. Boy was I wrong. But there is a chink in the armor, and I am excited to see Cleveland vs. Boston - my money's on LeBron, which means Boston is probably the safe bet to win.
The Rangers also got beat pretty soundly today, and I was hoping they wouldn't, because I still hadn't really gotten to take in a Rangers game this season and I wanted one more chance to get one in, but alas, New York's other Big Blue will have to go home for another three months until the regular season starts up again. They're not getting any younger, and it will be interesting to see how things develop in the upcoming season (as if I really know). I could have told you the Penguins were going to skate away with this, I just wished there was a little more fight involved. This Crosby character is scarily good, and by the time he can legally drink I am afraid for anyone who will have to skate toe to toe with this kid. He will save the game the way Lindros was supposed to, only he will be the Jordan to Lindros' Penny Hardaway (back in the day buffet).
And finally, Greg Maddux, once again, got shut down in his bid for 350. God damn, it's a huge number, but why is 350 so much more fucking difficult than 348 or 349? Maddux is pulling a Clemens, running into a veritable brick wall trying to accumulate his 350th win. Granted, he isn't taking steroids or throwing his wife under a bus, and should therefore be doubly appluaded, but I'm starting to really feel for this guy. I'm hoping he draws the Nationals soon, who have no hope of ever contending that they might just give the guy the game the same way Mickey Mantle was gifted the homer that passed Jimmie Foxx on the all time list. But Greggers has a lot more life in him at 40+ than Mickey did in the twilight of his career.
Maddux will make his 350 and be a lock for the Hall, as if he wasn't already. Darrel Rasner will pitch again soon and have a shaky start but get backed up by some hitting. LeBron will make it an interesting series, while Crosby will gear up for the cup run that he was hired to provide. Clemens will be forever tainted by this foul year of Our Lord, 2008, and maybe, someday, they will re-evaluate Horse Racing where all the money and care that goes into breeding a great animal like Eight Belles, my pick to win this year, and results in a horrific euthanizing on the track. And maybe someday we'll come together as a society, and stop worrying about what a tragedy it is that horses have to get put down after a race, when we have thousands upon thousands of people living in our cities without a roof over their heads...goodnight, America. And good luck.
-Jobimoto out.
"When you speak of me, speak well."
Friday, May 2, 2008
An Open Letter to 50 Cent:
Dear Mr. Cent,
Just stop. Please.
-Jobimoto out.
"Oh yeah, big shout out to the Xticles...yeah. Aooh!"
Just stop. Please.
-Jobimoto out.
"Oh yeah, big shout out to the Xticles...yeah. Aooh!"
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