Ok, so I'm a little late writing the picks, and some of the games are going on and some of my picks are way wrong, but we're going to pretend that it's ok. I'm pulling a DeSean Jackson on the Wide Receiver douchiness scale, and here's how they rank, douchiest to least douchey:
T.O. - Mister, "Getcha Popcorn" and "I love me some me" jumped ship in San Fran to go to the Eagles, helped them get to a super bowl, then promptly threw his team under the bus, claimed it was all Donovan's fault, held press conferences while working out in his driveway because he was holding out unless they traded him, gets to Dallas, and does a lot of crying over "his QB" while at the same time bitching when he doesn't get passes and gets fined for showboating.
Randy Moss - Mr. "Straight Cash, Homey" - looked like he was going to be a God in Minnesota until he decided, "I'm rich and famous, and I don't need to try" - he got shipped off to Oakland for being a loud mouth, having run ins with the law, and for refusing to throw blocks or play tough. He almost fades into obscurity, until he gets traded to New England, and becomes, "The Model Player" probably because he's close to a ring. He then winds up in a assault probe against a woman, which reminds everyone he hit a female cop with his car (a mere bump) and then when the Pats look like they're fading in the Superbowl, he starts pouting and not throwing blocks.
Michael Irvin - Does anyone forget that this guy was brought up on assault charges and wasn't there a rape charge brought against him? Also, when going up against the Redskins in a playoff game, the opposing CB was playing with a cast on his hand. They asked him, "What is your strategy for playing him," to which Irvin responded, "I'm going after that arm. I don't think it's healed." And he did. True class. Should maybe rank above Randy Moss if I get my facts straight.
Steve Smith - He has now sucker punched two teammates - TEAMMATES. This man has anger issues. He ranks above Plax only because Plax hasn't (yet) physically mixed it up with one of his teammates. Steve Smith hits dudes unaware, then offers thinly veiled apologies. D-bag.
Plaxico Burress - The more I think about it, the more I want to rank him above Steve Smith, because Steve Smith is at least taking it out on other people, whereas I'm not sure Plax is aware other people exist besides him. He might believe that he's the only guy on the field and the football magically appears in his hands. The thing that keeps him low for me is that on another team this would not go as noticed as with Coughlin and his "Team First. Team Last. Team Always." policy. This guy is a d-bag though. No bones about it.
Keyshawn Johnson - Pompous windbag who was never that good (see his book, "Just Give Me the Damn Ball"). Made history as one of the first WRs who wanted a number in the teens. For some reason, that always stuck with me, especially because he was bad on multiple teams that both overpaid him. And now he's an overpaid analyst, so we have to hear him whine more.
Chad Ocho Cinco - Surprisingly low on my list. He bitches, he moans, but at the end of the day, he acknowledges it's to put on a show. When asked why he was changing his name to ocho cinco, he laughed and said, "because I can." This is just the case of the guy who loves the spotlight on him, like the kid who gets the Mohawk just to get it so people will say, "Cool Mohawk" - sidenote, most of the Bengals receiving corps (besides T.J.) would be on this list if they were good enough to qualify.
DeSean Jackson - He is here mainly incident in the Dallas game where he started showboating before the TD and flipped the ball out of his hand at the 1 yard line. He's a rookie, and they did recover and score anyway, but he has all the makings of a great douchebag WR, especially since he did something similar in a nationally televised HS game.
Joe Horn - Low on the totem pole, but he was a massive smack talker. Only here because he took a pen out of his shoe, autographed the football, and gave it to someone in the stands after a touchdown catch. That's just awesome.
Picks:
Houston (+5.5) over Minnesota
Jacksonville (-7) over Cincy - There is no way Cincy should win this game, Palmer's still out, and they are horrible. But lo and behold, they are leading currently.
KC (+9.5) over Tampa Bay - Why not? KC almost took down a not great Jets team last week and covered for me.
Buffalo (-5) over Jets - See above. The Jets are not good, and Buffalo is soon to get a second wind. This is the battle of the Lesser New York teams.
St. Louis (+3) over Arizona - Should be a massive shootout with both teams having no defense to speak of. However, it's 10-7 with the half ending...killing my fantasy team (4 players in that game, all or nothing)
Detroit (+12.5) over Chicago - Probably the worst possible pick of the week, I just can't believe that Detroit can't cover with the points.
Tennessee (-3.5) over Green Bay - Green Bay won't stand up to the last unbeaten team in the NFL.
*Jets just missed a field goal going into the half, Buffalo is coming back, I feel it.*
Miami (+4) over Denver - this is my ASG pick. Denver has looked miserable lately, and I don't expect that to change.
Atlanta (-3) over Oakland - the raiders suck, pure and simple.
GIANTS (-8.5) over Dallas - Come on. Who else am I gonna pick? (Look for the Cowgirls to cover the spread, but the Giants will win. If they don't, it's a shame, I mean, the Dallas secondary sucks, the line isn't holding, and Brad Johnson can throw about 10 yards downfield, making it impossible to exploit the Giants own questionable secondary, should be in the bag.)
Philadelphia (-7) over Seattle
New England (+6.5) over Indianapolis - This should be the best game of the year, and the schedule planners wept their eyes out when Brady went down for the year and Manning the Elder decided to look like Manning the Lesser (I know the reference doesn't really apply because it's a father/son reference...so bite me). Indy looks like a dog this year. Just a complete dog. New England flashes between amazing and boring. My prediction - I'll watch it, but I won't like it.
Pittsburgh (+2) over Washington - this is a friend pick, I'll admit. Pittsburgh, even undermanned, hung in there tight against the G-Men (did I mention that game was awesome), but they are 0-2 against the NFC Beast (and yes, only a-holes, wankers, and fanboys refer to it as that, and yes, I am all three). Washington will present some problems for them, but even undermanned, I think they can handle it. It all depends on the O-line, if Big Ben comes a-tumbling down, then we got some problems. I'll still take Pittsburgh, and the two points. It will be close, that I am sure of.
-Jobimoto out
Way to pull a Randy Moss. Douche.
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