It's on like Donkey Kong

So it begins. Today. Tonight. Yankees at Sox, the rivalry renewed in 2008. Wang vs. Buchholz. Two mediocre looking teams will duke it out to the delight of millions across the nation and around the globe. I have often wondered what it would look like for two punching bags to fight one another...and tonight I will know.
Because it's baseball, there is a rule stating that someone will win - someone has to, this is a given and it's why this game is beautiful. But these three games this weekend have the potential to be ugly, very ugly, or it has the potential to jump start both of these merely .500 teams with negative run differentials. Even with the injuries, the cold weather, and the nature of it still being April, these teams have too much talent to look this lethargic. The Yankees got caught stealing 3 times in the first 2 games (I can't back this actual number up) and decided to stop running altogether. The Red Sox will score 12, or they will score 0. The Yankees, the model of consistency have been scoring in the 3-4 range, with the occasional nil and 6 here and there. These teams look soft and sad. Swept by the Jays? Choke. Losing a series to the Royals? Hold on, let me initiate the Heimlich.
Ok, it's April, whooptie-freakin'-doo. But this is baseball, and there is no crying, especially for these punching bags:
- Detroit Tigers. You boys suck. I've seen people suck before but you are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. What good is scoring 1000 runs if you have no arms to back it up? Oh wait, you haven't scored that 1000 runs yet, and there is only one team worse than you in all of baseball (the Giants) and another on par with you (the Rockies). This is sad and pathetic, where are your fangs? Where are your claws? This is crap, sheer, utter crap. Start offering Cabrera empanadas for every home run this guy hits, because nothing else seems to be working. This team should be a juggernaut, and will be at some point, maybe they just need Granderson back, but even I feel bad making fun of these guys at the moment. It's sad. The problem is, this team should not be a punching bag, but I'm not convinced they are going to recover from a start like this unless they go 20-2 starting yesterday. I read a stat that only 2 teams since 1900 have started 0-7 and made the playoffs, and I don't think either won a series. Make no mistake, Detroit will not be content with the playoffs, they want that ring that they gave away in '06 to the 82 and 80 Cardinals. Deep down, I believe this is another perfect storm year, similar to what happened to the '07 White Sox - they fell apart, in all aspects. As Leland said, "every team wins 60 games and every team loses 60 games, it's what you do with the other 40 that's important." Hate to break it to you, Leland, but I think these are those 40. I predicted big things for these guys on opening day, but right now I truly believe that this team will turn into a punching bag, even if it comes back and goes 90-72, they will get battered and beat around in the playoffs with no arms, and everyone will go home to nurse their bruised egos and inflated contracts.
- San Francisco Giants. I can't say anything about you perpetual losers that I didn't already say a few days ago. You are now 4 and 6, congrats, how the fuck did you win 4? On 25 runs! Did you make the other team use ghosties in those four games? This is going to happen all year for Blogi, and I feel bad.
- Teams that are punching bags but that I'm too tired to comment on: Pittsburgh, Houston, Washington. I guarantee you everyone will still agree with me in two months.
- Team that have the potential to be year long punching bags: Seattle.
- Teams that won't be punching bags forever: Atlanta, Cleveland.
- Teams that currently are punching bags and should be ashamed of themselves for starting this abysmally: Red Sox and Yankees.

I'm tired, I'm at work, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Dumber than a sack of drunk rocks.
GO YANKEES!

- Jobimoto out.

"You have a hole in your swing."